Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Tethered and Unhinged: The Pet High Chair

Quick...who wants to chuck $50 down a rat hole?? Look no further, friends -- thanks to my friend, Linda, I now give you the Pet High Chair. The fine folks at Hammacher Schlemmer assure us that this chair, "assuages a pet (and its owner's) frustration, and promotes more refined behavior." Hold on a minute because this bears repeating... "promotes more refined behavior." I think Hamshabamma (or whatever their name is) needs to come to my house at dinnertime and attempt to wrangle one of my cats into this device. Yes...this little slice of ingenuity is for dogs and cats. Can you even imagine asking your cat to sit still and act refined? At the dinner table? While you are trying to eat your spaghetti and whatnot? Pshaw!

Plus, look at that dog's face. He's obviously just a titch unhinged (undoubtedly like his owner). He's not acting refined...he's got his wild eye on your steak! Habashmimberrr also wants us to know that, "
two tethers on the chair protect your dinner guests against any lapses in etiquette." Seriously? Those two tethers are supposed to prevents lapses in etiquette? Does it prevent the drizzly dog drool, the crazy cat claws, and the howly-meowy mishmash? Those are some pretty amazing tethers. Does it work for teenagers? I'll take 50.

And don't forget that it, "
folds for convenient storage and travel." And why not? Who doesn't want Binky to have a spot at the grown-up table at Aunt Matilda's house this Thanksgiving? Your new boyfriend is cooking dinner for you at his place? Bring Muffin along! Nothing says, "I'll die a spinster" like showing up for a date with pet high chair and an unhinged-looking dog in tow.

Still considering the Pet High Chair? Fine. You better order extra tethers for your own crazy self.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Cat Food

Feeling a little hungry? Just can't find that tasty treat that hits the sublime spot? How about some Cat Food?

Remember...with Holiday Ham Cat, there will always be leftovers.

Watching your salt intake? Forget the ham and enjoy a satisfying piece of Lasagna Cat.

Don't forget the fruit!

And after dinner, we'll mix up some delicious desserts!

Now, who's ready for seconds?

None of my cats were harmed in the taking of these photos. Saffy, especially, will plop into any open receptacle -- no matter the size. Treats help.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Dear Mama, The Home Makeover Edition

Dear Mama,
We understand that there is some renovation work happening in the house and everything feels chaotic; however, we would like to make a few suggestions that would make our lives just a little more tolerable.

  • Can you please make the "magic box" containing treats more accessible...somewhere whisker-level, perhaps?
  • Phoebe wants full-access to the catnip stash. Strictly medicinal purposes...
  • Saffy said she is stressed out by the workers in the house and needs an extra serving of food (or three) to cope.
  • How about doing a few extra loads of laundry, drying them on the high-setting, dumping them on your bed, and "forgetting" to fold them.
  • Cosmo wants to know if it is possible to move the bird feeders indoors and leave the patio door open.
  • If it feels too labor-intensive to move the bird feeders, how about creating a sunflower seed trail from the front porch into the laundry room? The chipmunks would be great company.
  • Phoebe wanted to mention the catnip again...

Thank you for your thoughtful attention and careful consideration to our humble requests.

Cosmo, Saffy, and Phoebe

Friday, July 23, 2010

You Lick Wrought Iron? Let's Be Friends!

Originally posted July 23, 2010.

It's 5:00 in the morning and my mind goes strange places when I've only had a few sips of coffee. I was just thinking about how bizarre it would be if I had a human friend that possessed some of the interesting and sometimes odd habits my cats do. Picture this: You meet a new friend and he or she...

  • drools.
  • incessantly licks wrought iron.
  • stands beside your bed and shouts at you to get up at 3:00 AM.
  • races around the kitchen table, skidding around corners at meal time.
  • makes chirpy sounds at birds and other tiny animals.
  • tries to hijack your pillow.
  • licks their own behind.
  • likes to sleep in small boxes and paper bags.

Would you befriend this person? I definitely would -- in fact, I have some friends with far stranger habits. Like this guy ...

This guy.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Dear Fortune Cookie People

Dear Fortune Cookie People,
I'm often disappointed in the cheesy, generic messages I find in fortune cookies. Every time I receive one, I eagerly break it apart, hoping that your fine folks at Fortune Cookies R Us somehow crafted a more practical and hopeful message for me...but one for which I could still insert the hilariously necessary "in bed" at the end. Heads-up, cookie people -- here's what I want to see when I crack open that post-Kung Pao confection:

"You will soon be handed an entire plain, pasty NY cheesecake."

"You will sleep eight straight hours."

"You will awake to find a $50 coffee shop gift card under your pillow."

"Your cats will refrain from hacking giant hairballs in the middle of the night" (this one is a sister-fortune to #2)

"You will read an entire chapter of a book before falling asleep."

"You will receive a three hour massage, with extra emphasis on the upper back and feet."

"You will enjoy a delicious meal (that you didn't make) of Shrimp Fettuccine Alfredo and a gorgeous bottle of Zen of Zin wine."

"You will receive an entire day and night at home...alone...just you and the cats."

Now, if I can just somehow finagle a fortune like one of those, I'd be chowing Chow Mein every night!

Fortunately Yours (not "in bed"),

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Housework...blah, blah, blah

Sometimes I wish I were a person who does a little bit of maintenance housework every day and always seems to have a well-kept castle. I seem to be one of those that tidies up here and there, but never does anything major until 1) I cannot bear the sight of it anymore, 2) we are expecting company or 3) I am infected with the cleaning/organizing bug. In the case of the latter, I go-go-go til the whole house is spotless and then collapse until the next infection...usually a month or so down the road.

I love having a super-clean and organized house and I'm not lazy; I can just think of a bazillion other things I'd rather do than scrub a tub or mop a floor. I wonder how difficult it would be to train a cat to fold laundry... On second thought, warm pile of laundry + cat = nap. Bad idea. Do you think they could be trained to at least vacuum stairs?

Monday, July 19, 2010

Morrissey: The Cat's Meow

Welcome to a very special installation of Cats and the Men who Love Them. Those of you who know me, know that two of my very favorite subjects are cats and Morrissey.

Morrissey, was the lyricist and vocalist of the 80's alternative band, The Smiths, and currently writes/records as a solo artist. His lyrics have been described as,
"dramatic...bleak, funny vignettes about doomed relationships, lonely nightclubs, the burden of the past and the prison of the home." He's a very talented, opinionated, and often morose fellow, but more importantly, a total lover of cats. In fact, he's often photographed petting or holding a cat.

Check out this snippet of an LA Weekly interview with Morrissey (also known as Moz, Mozza, Mozzer, Mozfather, and The Pope of Mope).

Are you an animal person?
Oh, completely! I’m mystified by cats. I see a cat and I’m in a trance and the union begins . . .

So, do you have a cat?
I’ve had many, many, many.

But you’re on the road.
Yes, it’s — I’ve had many, and many have passed away.

That’s the worst part.
Horrendous, horrendous. It’s worse than a human passing away.

Is it?
Yes, it really is.

Because you feel the cat doesn’t fully understand. They’re looking to you, they’re relying on you to get them through this, and you can’t . . . I’ve been in certain situations where I’ve had to terminate the life for the benefit of the cat and the pain is too much to bear. It’s insufferable. Because even as they get the final needle, they’re purring and they’re loving you and . . .

I know, it happened to me, my dog, too. It was awful, because they gave him the shot of ketamine, so he became paralyzed, but he was still conscious and he couldn’t . . . then I thought, oh God, now where’s his spirit, because he doesn’t understand what happened?
And he is just assuming that if he is sitting next to you, he’s going to be okay.

Was your cat maimed?
No, but he was very, very old, and he was arthritic, and he couldn’t go to the toilet properly and I would have to take him to the toilet, I’d have to do everything, but he was very, very happy, and as long as he was with me, he was thrilled to death. So, I held him at the last moment when they inserted the needle and, uh . . . I cried for hours and hours and hours. This sound came out of me, this sound of despair when he went, and I’d never heard it before.

Wow! Because I thought I’d be — I thought I could completely handle his death and I’d be fine. I’d look after him, I’d make sure everything was okay, and I’d make sure that his transition was as easy and comfortable as possible. And I howled.

I mean, I still have moments where I grieve again, out of the blue — does that happen to you?
Of course! Of course! You miss your pets. You miss Sir Doo-Dah or whatever his name is . . . You miss them and you feel for them, and my cat was an incredible character. He wasn’t merely a cat, he was beyond human. He had the most incredible personality, an enormous personality, and as tough as, as they say, old boots, and I still miss him, I really still miss him. Sorry, I’m boring you stiff . . .

No! I want to talk forever.
Might not be long enough.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Benefits of a Slap-Choppy Night's Sleep

I sometimes (lately more often than I'd like) wake up in the middle of the night and then can't get back to sleep. This is not news -- I've written about this subject a few times. It's frustrating, especially when I have to go to work at 6:45 and I'm running on four hours of sleep, 12 cups of coffee, and a prayer that I won't smack someone. Today I decided I shall dig around and seek the benefits of sleeplessness. There must be a little chip or two of a diamond buried somewhere in the muddy muck of sofa-backache and late night TV...

I can catch up on those old episodes of Wings and Home Improvement that I missed in the early 90's.

My mental to-do list is on fire in the middle of the night. If I keep a notepad nearby, I'm certain I'll create an epic list that will keep me busy for the next three years.

My cats love it when I'm up in the middle of the night. They curl up on all sides of the sofa and circle me while I read or watch TV. I'm jealous of their peaceful sleep. They are jealous of my midnight snacks.

I have the time to ponder thoughts that I'm normally too busy or sane to consider:
  • Jillian Michaels really does looks like a man.
  • Why is the same episode of Three's Company on every time I am up at 3am?
  • Why don't men wear ascots anymore?

The Slap Chop infomercial doesn't watch itself.

So it's another day of coffee and maybe a nap this afternoon. Maybe I'll dream of Vince, wearing an ascot, Slap Chopping me a midnight snack.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Another Installment of Cats and the Men Who Love Them

No series of cat-lovin'-men would be complete without featuring Todd. I know Todd from way back (high-school-way-back) and he's married to my sister Amy, so I feel like I have a pretty good handle on his cat-man-essence. He's a bona fide, grade-A feline fancier and I adore the guy.

Catladyland: Have you always loved cats?

Todd: I've loved cats as long as I can remember. Growing up, we had several cats, including Mama Kitty who's name was well deserved. She spawned herds of kittens in her years on earth. She also started my love for black cats, which thankfully Amy and I share. We also had a huge orange tabby named Munchkin who we swore was allergic to cats.

Catladyland: Do you have cats now? Is there one that is your favorite?

We have two cats right now, Mojo and Bowser. Bowser (pictured) is my favorite; he's very demanding when trying to get some attention, but Mojo tends to get into and on to everything he's not supposed to.

Catladyland: What do you like best about cats?

Todd: Cats are just cool. I love their duality; they are content to spend all day with you on the couch, but they couldn't care less if you're gone for a week (as long as they're fed). I love dogs too, but they freak out after being alone for more than 15 minutes.

Cat-lovin'-men run in the family. My handsome nephew Ian (pictured with Mojo) is a devoted Catboy and is certain grow into a fine Catman!

Thanks, Todd and Ian!! You are a purrfect addition to the Catladyland family tree!

Interested in being featured at a Man-Who-Loves-Cats or know a man who's not afraid to scoop a litter box or two? Drop me a line!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Can I Get a Little Help?

I've been working on computer hoo-ha all morning and, a little while ago, realized there wasn't a cat in my lap -- odd. I went looking for the three fuzz-butts and --surprise -- they were asleep on my bed. I cornered them and asked one of them to volunteer to return to Laptown, attempting to convince them that their whiskered warmth charges me with enhanced writing power and intensified creativity. Here's what they told me:

Phoebe: Mom, can't you see I'm deep in meditation?? Plus, if I don't even have the energy to put my tongue back in my mouth, how can I be expected to super-charge you with anything? Be gone.

Cosmo:Sorry, Mom...I'm too tightly tucked. I can't bear to un-tuck...just too tuckered.

Saffy: La, la, la, la...I can't hear, la, la, la.

I guess I'm on my own...

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Another Catboy Steps Up!

Let's hear it for another Catboy!! Meet Darryl. I've known him for maybe 16 years and he's married to my friend, Nicky. He's a good guy with a giant heart for all the animals Nicky seems to collect.

Catladyland: Have you always loved cats?

Darryl: Yes. When I was growing up, I had cats named Frisky, Misty, Sam, and a black cat whose name I can't remember.

Catladyland: How many cats do you have now?

Darryl: Three -- Hector, Fluff, and Zeus (pictured).

Catladyland: Is there one that is a favorite? Why?

Darryl: Fluff is my favorite because he likes me. But Hector is right up there because he isn't annoying like Zeus and Fluff can be. Zeus wakes us up in the mornings and in the night by jumping on us. Fluff paws at the blinds in the window early in the morning.

Catladyland: Why are you a Catboy?

Darryl: Cats are interesting, entertaining and lovable. They make you laugh.

Thanks, Darryl! If you'd like to be featured as a man who loves felines, or knows someone who would, drop me a line! Gotta love a man who's not afraid of a little cat fur on his pants.

Midnight Mish-Mash

I woke up at a little after midnight last night and just could not manage to lull my jive-talkin' brain back to sleep. For a change of scenery, I moved to the sofa and lay there awake for nearly two hours. Here's a peek into the midnight mish-mash that moved through my mind.

  • If I fall asleep now, I'd net about six hours of sleep.
  • My hair smells good.
  • I need a haircut.
  • Tomorrow I might write a blog post about imagining my cats dressed in toddler clothing.
  • If I fall asleep now, I'd net about five and a half hours of sleep.
  • How many cats are on my legs?
  • I have to remember to pay the car loan payment.
  • My lips are dry. If I get up to grab my Burt's Bees, will it be harder for me to get back to sleep? Is it worth it?
  • If I fall asleep now, I'd net about five hours of sleep.
  • I think they replay The Daily Show around this time -- maybe I'll just watch TV.
  • I'm sad that Steve Carell is leaving The Office. Will is still be as funny?
  • My hair smells good.


Monday, July 12, 2010

White-Gold-Plated Rabbits and Cat Butts

Heads-up...this is going to be a bit of a girlie-shopping-post. If cat-shaped handbags and cat-butt wallets don't interest you, stop reading now. However, I must say that these products are higher on the quirky/cute scale and contain very little cheese (I think, anyway). Check these out:

I want, want, want this kitty bag from Morn Creations. Look how cute! Click on their link for more fun styles. I seriously need to carry around my whatnots in a giant zippered cat-head.

This is just cool. It's a sterling silver pendant from Zulu Moon. I'm not a fan of giant, expensive jewelry and have always really loved a nice, simple piece of silver anything. I fancy this cat.

I love my kitties, but those that really know me know that I also have a thing for bunnies. Alas, my husband is not a fan of the long-ears, so I get to settle for the petting zoo, friends' bunny photos, and possibly wearing something as bunneriffic as this sweet little treat from Mod Cloth. If you click on Mod Cloth's link, you may never get out. Seriously, I want one of everything! But back to this necklace... I might have to have this, and soon. I might even use it as a pet-bunny compromise with John.

Another treasure from Mod Cloth is this very tasteful Cat Butt coin purse. Yes, you just read that. No matter, I want it. The next time I am at Target, I want to pull spare change out of my Cat Butt.

There. John, if you are reading this, consider it my "you are the best wife ever" gift registry. Thanks, sweetie!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Let's Hear it for the Catboy!

Maybe it's preferential treatment, but the first Catboy profile goes to John, who is not only my husband, but a loud and proud feline fancier!

Catladyland: Have you always enjoyed the company of cats?

John: Yes. When I was a kid, my favorite cat was an orange tabby named Pixie. He was the leader of the neighborhood cats, but he wasn't especially bright.

Catladyland: Why do you love cats?

John: I love their personalities -- they are so independent, yet they love to be snuggled. Plus, they don't smell.

Catladyland: Of all three of your cats, you and Saffy seem to click (see photo). Why is Saffy your girl?

John: I love that she loves me so much. When I come into a room, she flops and wants me to pet her. She jumps into bed and cuddles into the same spot beside me every night. I love that.

Woo Hoo! Let's hear it for the Catboy! If you are man who loves cats, drop me a line and I'll feature you and your fabulous feline in a future post!


Just when you thought everything was pretty stable in Catladyland, here I go changing things all over the place. See, I've been thinking (hope your Hazmat suit is at the ready) about my writing a lot lately and even submitted some tidbits for publication. I've had my writing published in the past, but recently haven't focused on much more than my blog. I'm ready to expand again. No, I'm not talking about expansion with regard to the six desserts I ate on the 4th of July, although that piece of Key Lime pie truly expanded my mind, taking me to a new level of Deliciousville. I won't discuss the expansion of my waistline. In Deliciousville, you can eat all you want and never gain a pound. I'm thinking of buying a timeshare.

Oh my, how I digress, especially when distracted by food! Back to my real point..what was it? Oh, yes -- expanding my sights on writing. OK, I proudly call myself "eclectic" and think that Eclectic Catladyland was an accurate representation of my life. I love cats, my family, music, bizarre products found in obscure magazines, food, word games, bacon (food, I know...but bacon is the mayor of Deliciousville so it gets its own category), sewing, writing, strange people, and a host of other interests.

So yes, my life feels pretty eclectic. But even I have trouble spelling Thank heaven for bookmarks and links -- it's just a mouthful to type and say. Plus, after reading my writing for a while, the "eclectic" part is implied. So....plain old Catladyland is where I landed. But plain? Not so much. I've never once been accused of being plain (with the exception of "plain crazy") and I'm not about to start now. I changed my blog's name, created a page on Facebook for it ("like" it, already!), and am even working on a website ( -- it's not up and running yet, but soon). For those of you who normally read my posts via Facebook, I will only post the links on the Catladyland page now -- not on my personal wall.

I hope you will continue to be a regular visitor and tell your friends to stop over for a visit! The only thing that would make life even better in Catladyland? Mayor Bacon. I'm pretty chummy with him so we'll see about that...

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Calling all Cat-Boys!!

Many of you know that I am a giant softy for men who love cats and there are plenty of them out there in Catladyland and beyond. I decided that I'd like to feature some of these male feline-fanciers on my blog. So... if you are a cat-lovin' man, or know one of these exquisite gentlemen, drop a comment and I'll get back to you with the details!

Meow for now!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Dear Mama

Dear Mama,
While you were at work this morning, I had a few thoughts so I thought I'd write you a quick note before my next snooze.

1. Can you please quit folding the laundry and leave the warm, cozy clothes in the basket? I've never met a nap I didn't like, but fresh laundry napping is insane. Just sayin'.

2. When I follow you around the kitchen shouting at you, it means I want a snack. I don't care that I just had a snack five minutes earlier. I'm small and my stomach empties quickly. Thank you.

3. I miss nibbling through the wires on all of those stray pairs of earbuds I'd find lying around the house. What happened to them? Can you please buy more and leave a few pairs scattered about at whisker-level. Much appreciated.

4. Don't talk to me when I am going #2 in the litter box. That concentrated look of avoidance means I am busy. I will seek you out when I am finished with my business and we will converse at that time.

Thank you for your time and attention to the above requests. I look forward to your cheerful obedience.


Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Yesterday when I wrote this entry, I thought perhaps it would be TMI for some readers. After reading it today, and having John read it, I feel differently. I’ve always over-shared and become close to people very quickly so I have no idea why posting this bothered me in the first place. Whatever…read on.

A couple of years ago, I had surgery that resulted in immediate, full-blown menopause. Because of this, I tend to experience flashes of “warmth” from time to time, especially during the night. Depending on my level of “warmth,” I sleep with either:

  • layers of a sheet, a blanket, and a quilt
  • a sheet and blanket combo
  • a sheet
  • no covers

Throughout the night, I shift between all four of the above-mentioned options. No matter what is blanketing me at the time, one factor is always constant: the 12-pound cat that is stretched and pressed up against the side of my body. Cosmo’s needy disposition draws him to me like a fuzzy little magnet every evening and he isn’t happy until he is under the covers and happily purring (and sometimes drooling) on my side of the sheet.

The advantage to keeping him beside me all night is that when he is not on the bed, he wanders around the bedroom whining and meowing, begging to be asked to the bed. John and I spend a good five minutes patting the covers, calling him, and stop just short of sending him an embossed invitation. Finally, he jumps up and nudges his way under the covers.

The drawback to having a large, warm, furry body pressed against me all night (no, I’m not talking about my husband), is that during my periods of “warmth,” the hot cat factor raises the discomfort level significantly -- it’s kind of like wearing a wool sweater in the middle of August. The problem is that if I move him, he immediately jumps off the bed and the whining routine starts all over again, now waking up my husband. And if I remove him from the bedroom and close the door, we can look forward to a night of door-pawing and more whining. What to do??

Sometimes I relocate to the sofa because there is no room for Cosmo to squeeze beside me, thus relegating him to the arm of the sofa. Other times I deal with the heat and imagine I am on a tropical island somewhere in the Caribbean. Either way, Cosmo and I continue to flashdance through the night.

If reading about my hot flashes bothered you, oh well…just wait til I write about my annual OB/GYN appointment next month.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

How Much "I" is TMI?

Around three this morning, I wasn't able to sleep so I decided to give up, get up, and do some writing. Even at 4am, even without coffee fueling my system, it was one of those blog entries that flowed so easily, like water used to flow down my bathroom sink drain (before giant clumps of Angie-hair completely clogged it...but that's another story for another day).

As I edited the finished copy, I began to wonder if what I'd written might be considered TMI for some readers. There was nothing graphic about the content, but it grazed the borders of woman-stuff and I know that some men (and even some women) feel a little edgy when anything in that estrogeneral area is mentioned. So I opted not to post it, even though my cat is really the main player in the piece and I really liked it. Now I am wondering if I was acting too co-dependently... After all, I am not responsible for how someone reacts to something I write AND the entry made me laugh so I'm sure it will jiggle someone else's funny bone too AND most likely someone else can relate to the story.

Alas, I decided to write a blog about the blog. I'm talking about me, who is often accused of a lifetime of over-sharing. Go figure.

Maybe I'll end up posting it later, but for now I need to see if we have some Drain-o and tackle that bathroom sink.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Proceed with Turtle-Like Speed

I've never been known for my patience. I have a history of getting excited about something and diving in head-first, telling myself I'll figure everything out along the way. The advantage to this mindset is that I'm not afraid to try something new. The defect of this approach is that I don't typically sit down and spend the time sometimes necessary to formulate an effective plan, thus resulting in a less-than-desirable end result. I sometimes laugh at myself...I'm a planner and a list maker by nature -- many times, almost to a fault. But when it comes to launching forward with a new idea, I go from 0-60 in five seconds, with no seat belt.

I just started working on a new project that could be completed at lightning speed and would probably emerge pretty favorably. But...I could also navigate the waters a little more cautiously, explore options, gather feedback, and cultivate an outcome of which I am truly satisfied and proud. This time around, I am moving ahead with the latter. This will be an experiment in patience, but I am certain that by the time I carefully apply the finishing touches, I'll be glad I suppressed my hasty handiwork. Or...I'll be ready to be fitted for my straight jacket.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Let Freedom Ring!!

Ahhh...a long, holiday weekend. The 4th of July is all about freedom and independence and I am thankful for both of those things, both on the large and small scale. This weekend, I plan to practice freedom in my own special ways.

I will fully embrace the freedom to...

...sit around and drink coffee out of my giant Regal Beagle mug for hours at a time in the morning.

...assign extra household chores to the kids so I can sit around and drink coffee out of my giant Regal Beagle mug all morning.

...wear my muffin/toast/coffee mug/donut-print lounge shorts all day today and into tomorrow, when I actually might have to shower and make a public appearance at a party. On second thought, if my friends judge my breakfast shorts, what kind of friends are they? my recorded shows that have been piling up on the DVR. Bad reality shows don't watch themselves, you know.

...skip the 4th of July parade this year, thus avoiding the cursing and anxiety that comes along with locating parking, fighting for a decent viewing spot, and having my eyeballs seared by the images of overweight, shirtless men.

...act like a cat and take lots of naps, play, and sit in the sun.

And lastly, I plan to practice the freedom to eat some bacon today. I've been avoiding meat for a few weeks, but it's a holiday, right? And what says America better than bacon??

Happy 4th!!

Share With Friends