Dear Fortune Cookie People,
I'm often disappointed in the cheesy, generic messages I find in fortune cookies. Every time I receive one, I eagerly break it apart, hoping that your fine folks at Fortune Cookies R Us somehow crafted a more practical and hopeful message for me...but one for which I could still insert the hilariously necessary "in bed" at the end. Heads-up, cookie people -- here's what I want to see when I crack open that post-Kung Pao confection:
"You will soon be handed an entire plain, pasty NY cheesecake."
"You will sleep eight straight hours."
"You will awake to find a $50 coffee shop gift card under your pillow."
"Your cats will refrain from hacking giant hairballs in the middle of the night" (this one is a sister-fortune to #2)
"You will read an entire chapter of a book before falling asleep."
"You will receive a three hour massage, with extra emphasis on the upper back and feet."
"You will enjoy a delicious meal (that you didn't make) of Shrimp Fettuccine Alfredo and a gorgeous bottle of Zen of Zin wine."
"You will receive an entire day and night at home...alone...just you and the cats."
Now, if I can just somehow finagle a fortune like one of those, I'd be chowing Chow Mein every night!
Fortunately Yours (not "in bed"),