Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Dear Fortune Cookie People

Dear Fortune Cookie People,
I'm often disappointed in the cheesy, generic messages I find in fortune cookies. Every time I receive one, I eagerly break it apart, hoping that your fine folks at Fortune Cookies R Us somehow crafted a more practical and hopeful message for me...but one for which I could still insert the hilariously necessary "in bed" at the end. Heads-up, cookie people -- here's what I want to see when I crack open that post-Kung Pao confection:

"You will soon be handed an entire plain, pasty NY cheesecake."

"You will sleep eight straight hours."

"You will awake to find a $50 coffee shop gift card under your pillow."

"Your cats will refrain from hacking giant hairballs in the middle of the night" (this one is a sister-fortune to #2)

"You will read an entire chapter of a book before falling asleep."

"You will receive a three hour massage, with extra emphasis on the upper back and feet."

"You will enjoy a delicious meal (that you didn't make) of Shrimp Fettuccine Alfredo and a gorgeous bottle of Zen of Zin wine."

"You will receive an entire day and night at home...alone...just you and the cats."

Now, if I can just somehow finagle a fortune like one of those, I'd be chowing Chow Mein every night!

Fortunately Yours (not "in bed"),

1 comment:

  1. Your fortunes are much better than the ones I get.
    For example:
    "Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup."

    "What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?"

    "A wise man tips 20% to avoid severe tire damage."


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