Saturday, March 7, 2009

A Bacon Kind of Love

They say that bacon is the gateway meat that gently entices herbivores into to the carnival of the carnivorous. The scrumptious strip whose siren song is simply too seductive has long since beguiled even the most enthusiastic lettuce lovers. I was a vegetarian for 10+ years and then -- you guessed it -- the sizzling scent of pork fat on the griddle anesthetized me into submission. I quickly became a disciple of the bacon, my fervent ferocity for its crispy charm knew no bounds. I devoured bacon every day, even sprinkling the crispy crumbles of joy on top of vanilla ice cream (which was crazy-good, by the way). Eventually, the bacon-bonanza took its toll and I decided my swollen sausage fingers and pork-tinged lip gloss were not great looks for me, not to mention the obvious pandemonium that was playing out inside my body. I decided it would be in my best interest to only enjoy the scrumptious strips of love in moderation. While my consumption of the crispy treat has waned, I've redirected my snout to the aesthetic world of all things bacony -- and believe me when I say there is a plenitude of porkity-pork-pleasure out there. Here's a sampling of some of the more unique offerings:

Wow! Check out the wonder of the magnetic bacon strip!
That cat thinks he's found the promised land. Won't he be mad when he only sees a jug of soy milk and some leftover asparagus? I would totally attach these to the back of my car.

There are 348724 gb of love in this flash drive. You could save all your favorite photographs of bacon on this drive and then take it to work and share the love with your co-workers.

You can transport your flash drive to work in this fine briefcase that boasts a lovely pork-marble sheen. Your Excel spread sheets will sizzle as you pull them out of this savory satchel at business meetings.

Won't you be the talk of the company Christmas party when you show up in this bacon-scented bacon tux? Heck, if my husband owned this fancy piece of formal baconocity, I'd make him wear it to the grocery store, the movies, and even to the kids' school conferences. What woman can resist a man who smells like bacon sizzling in the pan? Who, I say???

Go ahead, I know you're hungry now... go fry up a heaping panful of bacony bliss. And save a piece or twelve for me.


  1. I want me a bacon Tuxedo!!!! No bacon boxers, though.

  2. I love me some bacon - turkey bacon - but bacon nonetheless.

  3. I even like fake bacon. I want this briefcase.


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