Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Urge to Merge

One of my biggest pet peeves is aggressive driving -- I call these drivers Road Bullies. They tail you, cut you off, don't let you merge, and basically act like the road is their personal NASCAR track. Not only do I feel aggravated by their inconsiderate behind-the-wheel etiquette, I feel a touch of pity for them because I know that their bully-behavior is nothing more than a metaphor for their lives in general. I have a feeling that these individuals have a serious superiority complex and need a swift kick in the tailpipe from Miss Manners.

Why am I ranting about Road Bullies? Because today I was bullied by someone I'll call Red Truck. I was driving in the fast lane of a highway (ten miles over the posted speed limit) and suddenly this giant red Dodge Ram was digging its horns into the rear of my little car. I couldn't move to the other lane because there was no opening and I refused to drive any faster. Red Truck was obviously angry and tailed as close as he possibly could before he was actually mating with my car. I'm serious -- there was some serious heavy petting going on.

Fast forward a mile or two and I saw signs that the left lane would soon be closing, due to construction. We would have to merge. I was ready to get out from under Red Truck anyway so I welcomed the impending merge. I turned on my blinker just in time to prevent Red Truck's head explosion and looked for an opportunity to switch lanes. A very kind and polite car I'll call Blue Oldsmobile slowed down and I shifted to join the slower traffic next door. Red Truck gunned his giant engine (compensating for something, perhaps?) and zipped past me so he didn't have to merge until the every last minute. As we approached the final cut-off, where the two lanes officially become one, the do-or-die moment in merge-world, I saw him frantically trying to move to my lane. Red Rover, Red Rover, Red Truck can't get over -- no one was letting the Road Bully into the game. As I zoomed past, I saw him in my rear-view mirror, his angry blinker pulsing to the beat of the happy tune on my radio.

Dear Red Truck,
Wherever you are tonight, I send you peace, love, and some chamomile tea to help you relax. Life is too short -- enjoy the ride, Red Truck.

Love, Sweet Justice

1 comment:

  1. Love your sense of humor! I can't tell you how many pathetic a$$hole drivers like this I've encountered. Hopefully Red Truck is lying in a ditch somewhere.....


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