Sunday, June 7, 2009
We always smuggle our own candy into the movie theatre. It seems ridiculous to pay $25.00 for a box of Junior Mints that I could purchase at the gas station for $1.50. Better yet, why not scrounge tasty treats from home. Yesterday we went to the movies and brought plastic zip-bags full of unmatched candy pieces found residing in the back corners of various cabinets. We always hope to find "good" candy to bring. This time we hit the jackpot with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Mounds minis. Sometimes all that can be collected from the pantry are some hardened generic Now-n-Laters leftover from Halloween. The last thing you want to do is cause an episode in the middle of Night at the Museum 2 by losing a crown to a faded brown, grape Now-n-After. It's hilarious how I attempt my best stealth when carefully pulling the contraband from the oversized bag I specifically chose for the candy-smuggling maneuver. I wait until the lights have darkened, nonchalantly look around, and slowly pull out the plastic bag. Then, giving the kids a index finger to the mouth and a silent "shhhhh!," I begin to pass the bag down the row (below seat-level, of course). I wonder what would happen if a movie theatre employee caught us with the bootleg bonbons? In my mind, I may as well have been pulling a Mason jar of homemade moonshine out of my bag. Would he point a flashlight in my face, making an example of me in front of the other movie goers? As he pulled me down the aisle, handcuffed, my head hanging in shame, he'd wag a finger and bark through sneering lips, "Let this be a lesson to all of you!" Would I have to sit in stockades in the lobby, between the Ms. Pac Man game and the change machine? Would my photo forever hang by the box office, reminding employees that an illegal candy pirate, such as myself, should not - under any circumstance - be sold a ticket? Maybe I'm making this situation into more than it really would be, but I'm not taking any chances. Perhaps I should up my stealth-game. Hey! Maybe I should swallow Skittle-filled balloons next time.