Friday, April 16, 2010

Where Do I Apply??


I sometimes think about some of the cool jobs that are out there -- you know...the ones that seem too fun to be true. I hear about these vocations and think, "This is a job?? For real??" I think I would do very well taste-testing ice cream or concocting the games and puzzles on the back of cereal boxes. People get paid good money to do these kinds of things and I'm a little bit jealous. I possess a bounty of skill and experience in an abundance of areas. Here are just a few of the positions for which I am highly qualified:


  • Advanced List Maker (relaxed applicants need not apply)

  • Silly Haiku Poet (deranged sense of humor and too much time on your hands required)

  • Leftover Food Identifier (housework procrastination skills required)

  • Feline Vomit Locator (past experience stepping barefoot in cold/warm piles of cat puke a bonus)

  • Excellent Parking Spot Securer (parallel parking not required)

  • Giada de Laurentiis Smacker (access to a large cast iron skillet required)

  • Project Starter (follow-through not required)

  • Cat Belly Pillow Inventor (unhealthy obsession with rubbing your face in cat bellies a plus)

  • Old Sitcom Episode Identifier (childhood sitting in front of the TV required)

  • Random, Spontaneous Singer/Dancer (skill not required)

Where do I apply??

2 comments:

  1. Hmm, yes, I think my list of jobs for which I am actually qualified would somewhat resemble yours, with the inclusion of Trivial Pursuit Winner and Jeopardy Answer-Knower (misspent youth required). And as to Giada... I like her, she's hot, but she does have that wild animal mouth and her constant over-pronunciation of Italian words borders on the insane.

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  2. hahaha!

    Oof, Rachael Ray Ridculer!! "ability to quickly compare her to inanimate objects, Muppets and point out her larger than life obnoxious habits -- a fountain of opportunity exists."

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