Friday, April 16, 2010

Where Do I Apply??

I sometimes think about some of the cool jobs that are out there -- you know...the ones that seem too fun to be true. I hear about these vocations and think, "This is a job?? For real??" I think I would do very well taste-testing ice cream or concocting the games and puzzles on the back of cereal boxes. People get paid good money to do these kinds of things and I'm a little bit jealous. I possess a bounty of skill and experience in an abundance of areas. Here are just a few of the positions for which I am highly qualified:

  • Advanced List Maker (relaxed applicants need not apply)

  • Silly Haiku Poet (deranged sense of humor and too much time on your hands required)

  • Leftover Food Identifier (housework procrastination skills required)

  • Feline Vomit Locator (past experience stepping barefoot in cold/warm piles of cat puke a bonus)

  • Excellent Parking Spot Securer (parallel parking not required)

  • Giada de Laurentiis Smacker (access to a large cast iron skillet required)

  • Project Starter (follow-through not required)

  • Cat Belly Pillow Inventor (unhealthy obsession with rubbing your face in cat bellies a plus)

  • Old Sitcom Episode Identifier (childhood sitting in front of the TV required)

  • Random, Spontaneous Singer/Dancer (skill not required)

Where do I apply??


  1. Hmm, yes, I think my list of jobs for which I am actually qualified would somewhat resemble yours, with the inclusion of Trivial Pursuit Winner and Jeopardy Answer-Knower (misspent youth required). And as to Giada... I like her, she's hot, but she does have that wild animal mouth and her constant over-pronunciation of Italian words borders on the insane.

  2. hahaha!

    Oof, Rachael Ray Ridculer!! "ability to quickly compare her to inanimate objects, Muppets and point out her larger than life obnoxious habits -- a fountain of opportunity exists."


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